Just me

So I had to spend my very first holiday without my kids this week. It was tough. Thanks to my work schedule they went to Arizona and I had to stay here. It hasn't been easy. I have moped around, watched the same movie like four times, pretty much have had a shity time. I want them back. I want them here. I can hear kids going down the road and laughing and see them with their families as I drive by, and it SUCKS!! I want my girls. I want them now. I don't want to be here and have them there. Even if they were here I would be working at night but atleast I wouldn't feel so far away from them. I could spend some time with them.

Whatd' ya do?

What do you do when you realize you have become the person you said you would never be? That person that you sat and whispered to your friends about behind their backs. How does it happen. Like out of nowhere, and without you even knowing that it happened. Like one morning you woke up and almost over night you changed into someone you don't even recognize anymore. On top of that, how do you get back to the person you used to be? If you don't know you changed, how do you know when you will change back? Maybe this is who I am and just never realized it. Was I that nieve? I'm not really hurt by it or all that upset honestly. I've been through alot in my 24 years and maybe this is my rebellious phase I never had because I had kids and married young. Kind of an odd time to do it I think but hey, take things as they come. What I do hate about it is that this isn't really the kind of towm where you can even breath wrong in without EVERYONE knowing it. Hell, I've done things I don't even know about. Which is odd because I don't remember EVER being THAT drunk... Well that's my rant of pouring my heart out to the public again. Another part of me that just makes me, me.